Misplaced
My wife has been handling sleep duties with our two older kids for the last few weeks. Overall, it’s been going well and our 6 year old daughter E and 4 year old son C have loved some extra Mommy Time. It doesn’t always go well though and recently we had one of those nights.
When our kids are overtired, they get frenetic energy and anything can become a trigger for a meltdown. My kids were overtired already that night and I could hear some loud yelling coming from the bathroom where my wife was trying to wrangle the kids and brush their teeth. I was in the confines of the playroom with baby L. He has been really playful at night and we get to spend a few hours together in there before he goes to bed. I don’t mind it at all, especially on nights like this one.
By the time E and C had their teeth brushed, they were in the bedroom and I could hear E having a meltdown. My wife was at the end of her rope, so I decided to change up the routine and tap her out to hang out with L while I put E and C to sleep. I was surprised my wife accepted the proposal so quickly and I was thrust into the chaos. C was laying there quietly and E was still sobbing. She was trying to communicate with me and even though I could understand her, I asked her to calm down so she could speak clearly. Then I could understand her even better.
Surprisingly, E was able to do that almost right away. She took a few breaths and started to tell me how she felt. It was hard for her to feel better and she wanted to let it all out by crying, but I said she could still feel sad while trying to control her reactions. Her feelings were valid and I wanted to understand why. E expressed that she has felt misplaced because me and my wife have been giving a lot more attention to C and baby L recently. C has a foot fracture that is healing and L is a very vocal baby at times.
I felt sad to hear E say those words and I reassured her that she will never be misplaced. It sometimes feels that way and she has wanted to run away from the family to see if anyone noticed or loved her, but I told her we always love her. That will never change. I also reinforced that attention does not equal love. Love is always there and if she wanted more attention, she can always ask for it so we can plan some quality time together. If that’s not enough, she can ask for more time and we will figure out when it can happen. As parents, we sometimes have to give attention to whoever needs it the most, but that doesn’t mean anyone is misplaced. I know part of the tantrums are related to our kids wanting attention and the desire to feel loved after they are comforted when the tantrum passes. I was the same way as a kid, but I encouraged E to seek out positive attention by asking for it.
It was then that C interrupted the conversation because he had something to say. I thought he was going to say he and I talked about the exact same thing a few days ago, but he just asked whether we knew 4 + 2 = 6. I told him I did know that and I was happy he knew that. The kid’s timing is impeccable.
I ended up still reading two books to the kids even though it was late because we needed to wind down from the high emotions. We read Crick, Crack, Crow! and another short book E wrote about her Gerald and Piggy backpack fiasco. The first book about the crow was one we bought for her elementary school library and I wanted to read it. It was about a naughty crow that wanted to go cause trouble. When the crow caused too much trouble and was getting attacked, the entire crow family came to protect each other.
It was so coincidental to read a book like that and I told E that it was similar to how things are with our family. We will always look out for each other and nobody is misplaced, even if they cause a little trouble! The last book was super short and I loved how E drew the pictures and wrote all the words to it. It was a good way to close a chaotic evening and I’m glad it turned out well in the end.
