My 5 year old daughter went to a playground meet and greet recently for kids around her age. There were a surprising amount of families there and kids running around everywhere. My 4 year old son came along and the two of them ran off to play. After observing for a while, I saw they were just playing with themselves instead of trying to meet new kids to play with.

Normally, that’s totally fine. I don’t mind that they play together because they really love each other and want to spend time together. This was a different situation though and I wanted my daughter to take the lead and start to meet other kids to play with. She told me she was shy and did not want to talk to the other kids because she didn’t know them. We had to leave abruptly for a potty break and by the time we got back, most of the families and kids were gone.

My daughter was walking around and another person, who ended up being the principal at my daughter’s future school, came up to ask whether my daughter was feeling shy. I said of course and we chatted a bit while she continued to walk around the playground. That was a cue for me to step in and encourage her to break out of her shell. I had her practice asking what’s a person’s name and she quietly tried to do that to a few kids, but they most likely didn’t hear her and kept doing what they were doing. There was another shy girl that ran to her mom and I figured the two shy kids should meet.

I walked over there and my daughter was hiding behind me. I told her playfully to hide her face and not to let anyone see it. I figured if I leaned into the shyness and made it a game, it wouldn’t be a crutch because being shy was now being playful. She hid her face behind me and I spun around in all sorts of ways while she was trying to keep her face hidden. The other girl actually did the same thing trying to hid her face. Then I told my daughter to be silent and not to let anyone hear her, which made her laugh. I shushed her a few times and told her they shouldn’t hear your voice (all while being super silly). It was working and after a few short minutes, my daughter introduced herself and off they went to play.

They ended up forming a pack of kids that included my son to explore the trees around the playground and pick flowers for a bouquet. It ended up being a good time for my kids and I’m glad my fighter got out of her comfort zone to find some new friends. I told her I was proud of her and walked her through how a small action led to a new friend (and to try and instill in her that using her voice to meet people is the key). Hopefully she will continue to do so to make new friends.