Memory Games
My kids love playing games, but have not quite gotten used to learning how to lose gracefully. We are trying to ply more games with them so they understand that losing is fine and that you actually can learn more from losing than winning by seeing what you need to do differently. My wife started to play this memory game recently with our 6 year old daughter E and 4 year old son C, which consists of different sea creatures that you can match by picture, background colors, or names. My kids have already been playing the game against each other, but now my wife was joining in the fun
The three of them were playing it for about two days and on the first day it was a free for all. There were some sad feelings going around when the kids lost and my wife decided that the kids should team up on her to try and beat her. Some of the first day and most of the second day were played this way and it fostered a sense of teamwork between our kids. I was usually with the baby, but I could hear the fun happening in the dining room. My wife would be laughing when she went on a streak and so would the kids. They had a lot of fun trying to beat Mommy, but she was quite good at the game.
Fast forward a few days and I just put baby L to sleep. I snuck out and the rest of us were in the playroom. My wife suggested that the kids should try to beat me at the memory game, so I went to grab it and the game was on. It was the kids vs. me and I ended up losing badly the first game. It was hard for me to pay attention to all the cards and details. The kids were veterans and they were helping each other out. I was also trying to pay attention to their playing style and give them helpful pointers to adjust their strategy. Very quickly, E was getting a lot of matches and C wasn’t. He felt down about that and both my wife and I had to pump his spirits up. He felt like he wasn’t smart because he didn’t match a lot of cards, but this game is hard. I’m a grown adult and it was hard for me!
C ended up turning his spirits around after he went on a streak and then it was E’s turn to have doubts about herself. She saw C get a bunch of matches and me starting to get the hang of the game. By the second game, it was more competitive and E was feeling down. My wife and I gave her a pep talk and also suggested that they alter their strategy by not flipping the cards they knew over first (and that they flip over their guess first). After the pep talk, E went on a few marching streaks and her mood shifted as well. They beat me again and by then, it was time for me to cook dinner.
They were still talking to my wife about the game and how they had some doubts about their playing, but my wife reassured them that if they were 6 and 4 as of now while playing this well, they would be great as adults. Plus they were already beating me and very competitive with my wife. I want them to take this to heart that if they lose at certain things, to use the losses as a teacher and accept the changes that need to be made in order to win. It’s important to be open to changing your approach and not being scared to put in the work. Also, I want my kids to make sure they don’t take losses in a personal way - it ha no bearing on who they are. As long as they are learning from the losses and getting better over time against their old selves, that’s all that matters win or lose. We are trying to instill this in our kids one memory game at a time.
