Over the long weekend, we had some time with the extended family that ended up stretching the entire weekend to the delight of my kids. We celebrated a birthday and had one of their cousins over for the rest of the long weekend. Although it is a bit extra work for us, the extra time with the cousins pays huge dividends because my kids have a blast while getting extra tired at night so they can fall right asleep.

One of the dynamics of the relationships at play is that their cousin is 9 years old while my daughter is 5 years old and my son is 3 years old. It seems like a big age gap, but my kids love playing with their cousin and they actually play really well together. Sometimes, my 3 year old son does feel excluded because he is the youngest in the group and also a boy. He doesn’t necessarily see things the same way because of those differences, so his play style is sometimes very conflicting. I have had a few talks before with him along with the other two about making sure that everyone feels included in the play so that there isn’t someone feeling left out. I also remind them that when something doesn’t go as planned, everyone has areas that they could have smoothed out a bit more.

For instance, my 3 year old son was taking all of the multi-colored hair ties that the other two were playing with. He kept running around while my 5 year old daughter was chasing him and telling him to put it back. I took both of them aside and asked them to tell me what happened. My daughter jumps to telling me her brother keeps taking the hair tied without asking and that they are sorting it to play a game. My son tells me his sister and cousin won’t let him touch any of the hair ties and doesn’t let him contribute his ideas to how they will play with all of the hair ties.

That extra time to listen to both sides goes a long way to make sure that my children feel heard and that things are not black and white. I try not to say who is wrong and who is right because each side can be right and wrong in some areas. I tell my kids that there is a reason that people end up fighting and arguing and it takes at least two people to have that kind of conflict. We need to try and work things out and see what we can do better. While this is all aspirational and things don’t always go as planned even with my intervention, we always try our best to have the right outcome.

My son ended up giving the hair ties back and my daughter and niece end up listening to my son and taking his ideas into consideration while they played. Most of the weekend went awesome with minimal fighting and it seemed like everyone had a lot of fun (which included two consecutive nights of sleepovers at our house!). I always like their cousins coming over since it helps keep my kids entertained and that I can dedicate a bit more time with the baby (and before the baby, it was having some me time!). It’s also great bonding time that I hope my kids will cherish when they are older!