Conflict Resolution

My 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son are in the area where they can be really sweet to each other and also really mean. I love it when they play well together and if everyone got enough sleep, the imaginative play can last for hours. If not, the fighting happens almost every few minutes until they are separated.

I have recently taken the standpoint of having them resolve their conflicts. It’s something they are still learning how to do well, but I can see a few breakthroughs here and there. When they are fighting, there is usually fault across everyone involved (at least that’s my belief). I try to point out areas where my son and daughter could do better and let them figure out what to do from there. If there are no apologies happening across both parties after a while, that’s when I step in to make them say sorry to each other for their involvement in the fight.

A few days, my son smashed a house that he and his sister built together. She immediately started to speak to him with a stern tone. Then it progressed to yelling at him until he got so frustrated that he pulled her hair. My daughter started to cry and said that her hair was pulled. Luckily I witnessed the whole thing and told her that she needed to speak to people in a normal tone. I get that she was frustrated (and acknowledged her feelings), but that was not the right way to express her frustration. She needed to try to speak normally and tell her brother how she felt. For my son, I told him he should never hit. They spent a few minutes apart and my daughter came out of the room and apologized for yelling. My son apologized for hitting (and she corrected him that he pulled her hair). Then off they went to play with each other again.

I was impressed at their maturity and I’m glad that things are starting to click. I know it won’t be this smooth every time and they won’t have a good night of sleep under their belt every time. At least this interaction went well and something to build on top of.