My kids have been in a routine where after dinner (that’s made up of protein, veggies, and fruit), they can pick a small treat to eat. While I don’t necessarily think that they need a treat every day to desensitize them to treats, I’m going along with it because my wife believes in the studies and theories on how to best raise kids that aren’t going to gorge themselves on sweets and treats. My kids can pick from lollipops, gummy candies, and other types of sugary snacks.

One night recently, my 4 year old son wanted Lifesaver gummies. I said he could have 3 little gummies from the pack and he wanted 5. He kept saying that he wanted 5 when I said he could only have 3. My wife chimed in and said he could only have 4 and that was because he was 4. He kept saying that he wanted 5 to my wife as well. He was starting to get impatient. I could hear it in his voice. When he said he wanted 5 next, some whiney tones accompanied his ask.

I didn’t mind my kids getting more Lifesaver gummies since we just came back from playing outside and the Lifesaver gummies are fairly small, so I decided to help by giving him advice. I stopped him there and said he needed to ask nicely. He agreed and said please. I then told him he should come up with other reasons to convince us while asking nicely, such as if he gets 5 lifesaver gummies, he would listen more and also he would have the same number of gummies as his sister is age-wise. My son thought about this advice and said he would listen and give a kiss if he got 5 gummies. That seemed to convince my wife and both he and my 5 year old daughter got 5 gummies.

I don’t know if I’m reinforcing behavior where my kids will trade for things that they want and also negotiate for it as well, but I feel like it’s important for them to understand that there are different ways to get what you want. The strategies to get what you want in life usually start out with being nice and coming up with reasons. I also want my kids to understand that sometimes, the rules can be bent a bit through negotiations and discussions because that’s how the world works. Now have a just sent up a precedence that could make my life much harder as a parent? Absolutely! I do think it’s worth the trade off though to get my kids to communicate more effectively to get what they want. Maybe next time they can convince me and my wife to give them 6 Lifesaver gummies somehow!